Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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