I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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