No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
