haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
