that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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