Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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