So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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