You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
