i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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