if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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