he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
