please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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