my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
FUCK WHALES
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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