I bet he comes in French.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
