I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
