Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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