Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
