i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
