So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
sex in a hospital.. check
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
