we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
