Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
