My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
