I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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