I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
