Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
