so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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