There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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