Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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