The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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