We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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