I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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