id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
