I'm lost and stupid without you.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
