ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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