I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
