they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
