3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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