dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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