They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
