a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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