member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
