Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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