Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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