I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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