happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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