This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
