Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
