Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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