I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Enjoy the penises
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.