I'm eating all of the evidence.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us