Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety