Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
