we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
