That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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