What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
