what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
