I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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