is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
