whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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