I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
