I feel great
I just peed on a car
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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